Woundology

It's a term coined by Caroline Myss, codependency at its best...using tragedy as a stand-in for crutches. And bonding through the pain. Which is why, specifically, I've held off this long in feeling sorry for myself. Greatest achievement of my life, just letting go.

You should try it sometime, being unwounded in the face of great pain. I mean, I cried last night because I accidentally looked at the wondrous 3D ultrasound pictures that makes Cooper an identical-to-the-rest-of-his-siblings full-fledged family member.

I should've known. I'm not just losing a baby, but my son. And so begins the separation of delusion and fantasy that will occur from then on. His life I'd picture, if he had one...only speculation, just imagined. My dreams, not his actual path.

All the empty spaces are in me.